March 16, 2005
Marriage is Work
Marriage is work.
Not exactly a newsflash is it. But it continuously surprises me how many people know that to be true but are unwilling to practice what they preach.
Kevin and I have been married almost 15 years. We've been together 17 and in some ways it feels like a long time, in other ways, it feels like our relationship is just getting started. Have we encountered bumps along this road? Oh my gosh, yes. How did we overcome these obstacles? We communicated.
No really, we TALKED. And not in derogatory ways like, "I'd love you more if...." or "Why can't you be more like..." But honestly spilled our guts. I told him all the things that bugged me about him, he told me what I did that made him crazy. And after airing our grievances, we then compromised.
I focused on the top three things that bugged him the most about me.
1. Always making sure the kitchen is cleaned up
2. Not kicking my shoes off and leaving them in the middle of the floor for him to trip over
3. Picking up clutter
The rest? He simply lives with.
And that's where it gets tough. People have to compromise in relationships because nobody is perfect. Even if you and your significant other are deeply compatible and love each other, you're still going to get on each other's nerves. The important thing to remember is - you have to respect each other.
Just because what I'm feeling may seem silly or stupid to you, doesn't mean you can't respect how I feel and work on the problem. Just because I'm irritated at the kids doesn't mean I can take it out on my spouse. Just because I'm tired and grouchy doesn't give me license to nick-pick and nag him after a hard day's work.
It's a two-way street and if I give, I expect him to give. Marriage is really as simple as that.
The divorce rate is over 50% now. Think about that. Over half of marriages will fail. Why? Are we too self-centered? Have we been brainwashed into thinking that our significant other exists to make us happy? Have we gotten so carried away with "feminism" that we can't accept the fact that we like to feel like women?
Marriage is work. But boy, it's worth it!